August 15th, 2018

FB and barjasta tukbandi.

One of the blessings of the world wide web is facebook. It has put me in touch with countless such people whom I would otherwise quite likely never have seen again. Fine! I will strike the ‘countless’ – I know one can always go and count one’s contacts.

My cousin Raheel is one amongst those people. We lost contact years ago when he was busy conquering the hearts and minds of important people in Islamabad, and I had come here to the UAE hoping to make a fortune in dirhams – a dream I have much given up now. Raheel and I have always been more friends than cousins, so much so that years ago when the family battleground presented a picture of what most family battlegrounds present pictures of – the senile, senseless and yet sombre family feuds, we promised each other that should our two sets of parents decide to raise battle cries and go charging at each other to revive a bit of sibling rivalry moments from their childhood, we would ensure that we continued to be friends even if our allegiance to our respective families dictated that we no longer call each other family. Thankfully, while our families have often hovered dangerously close to altercations threatening to become full blown wars, they have always managed to scale back hostilities just in time to attend a wedding or a funeral together. It is important to be seen together or not seen together at these two functions during family feuds – it lets everyone know where the two warring/not warring factions stand vis-a-vis their reported-through-grapevine differences. Unfortunately for us though life dragged us to two different continents and we were never able to benefit from our families not feuding. Until facebook came along though.

Now our families might not be feuding, but our friendship is peculiar in that all we ever have are altercations. One of the recent ones we had was interesting enough for me to want to share it with you.

I had updated my FB status as “waits”. It is a perfectly innocent and vague update. It let me state my hope and longing a little without disclosing anything of substance. Except, I had not factored in Raheel.  Raheel stepped in and had in time turned the whole status update on its head. Being blessed with the kind of friends I am, it was only to be understood that matters would get out of hand, and I would have to step in myself and delete the update and the accompanying 45 comments to restore sanity. After which I made it clear though my status update that no further status updates barring the current one would be coming along for sometime. Except, I could not resist, and put up another update in under 12 hours. After which the following exchange took place:

Raheel: Ek kahani, Abdul Hameed Addum ke zubaani:

Aap (at 0000 hrs):
“Shayad meiN Addum ub na kharabaat meiN aaooN
Ub baada-ghussaroN say meirra zikkr na karna”

Hum (between 0000 hrs and 1330 hrs):
“Tehqeeq ho tou rooH-e-do-aalam tarrap uthay
Itna teirray baghair parayshaaN raha hooN meiN”

Aap (at 1330 hrs):
“DostooN kay naam yaad aanay lagay
Talkh-o-sheerieN jaam yaad aanay lagay
Khoub-soorat tohmatein choubhnay lageiN
Dill-nasheem ilzaam yaad aanay laggay”

Shukkar hey kay aap mehfil mein waapis tou aaye! Hum tou samjhay thay kay aap Shirri Raam Chandar Je kee oor 13 barras kay bunn-baas per nikkal gaye hein. Shukkar Khuda ka, aap Hanooman Jee kay bhaghat niklay aur Tarzan kay doost Munkoo kee tarrah turrant waapis aan lapkay. :-) :-) :-)

Knicq: Khoobsoorat tomhatein and dil nasheen ilzaam indeed!

Aik maulvi kee deewar par shirkiya kalimat raqam karne se ehtiraz baratiye go iz raah-e-tafannun hee sahee. Shukriya. Main sirf Allah ka bandah hoon. :)

Raheel: Yeh “Maulvi Kee Deewaar” bhee barra khoob kaha aap nay. Tou arz kiya he:

“Maulvi Kee Deewaar”

Kyon iss per chHapti rehti hey ye toHmattoN kee bharmaar
Ye maulvi kee deewar hey loogo, maulvi kee deewar

Ye “uss galee” ka daakia hey, ye banda barRa fraadia hey
Na karna koi aitbaar oo loogo, na karna koi aitbaar
Ye maulvi kee deewar hey loogo, maulvi kee deewar

Ye jitna maal bhee aaya hey, sub chooroN say he churraya hey
ChadDi-banain say lungi-dhoHti au rub kurta-shalwaar
Ye maulvi kee deewar hey loogo, maulvi kee deewar

Kuch qabbaz kee khubrain, chund hikmat kay ishtihaar
Ye Persoon ka akhbaar hey bhai persoon ka akhbaar
Ye maulvi kee deewar hey loogo, maulvi kee deewar

Yaad rakhiye – Kalaam mein wazzan ho na hoo, dalleel yaqeenun wazi hey ;-)


“Raheel kee daleel.”

Wazn main feel hai,
Kaat main keel hai,
Fitratan zaleel hai,
Ye nai ik daleel hai,
- Baani is ka Raheel hai,
- Yeh daleel-e-Raheel hai.

Mantaq se choor hai,
Mizaah bharpoor hai,
Sharafat se door hai,
Sarasar futoor hai,
- Baani is ka Raheel hai,
- Yeh daleel-e-Raheel hai.

Tohmat ka bazaar hai,
Haqaiq se bezaar hai,
Maqsad sirf aazaar hai,
Ba’es e nang o aar hai.
- Baani is ka Raheel hai.
- Yeh Daleel-e-Raheel hai.

Kehne ko aur bhi hai kuch,
Abhi zer-e-ghaur bhi hai kuch,
Khayal ka daur bhi hai kuch,
per bhaijna filfaur bhi hai kuch.
- Baani is ka Raheel hai
- Yeh Daleel-e-Raheel hai.

Raheel ibn-e-wakeel hai,
Khoon main iske daleel hai,
Aankh pe is kee neel hai,
Yeh padash-e-daleel hai,
- Baani is ka Raheel hai
- Yeh Daleel-e-Raheel hai.

This is too much fun. :)


Tum itna jo muskara rahay ho
Kiss marraz ko apnay chupa rahay ho?

Ho gee tumheiN jo bhe ho gee “khurrak”
Meirri taaNg per kyoN khuja rahay ho?

Pehlay bachoN kee maaN ne jhaara hey aur
Unn kay maamoN say ub maar kha rahay ho

Bulla ker maseetee meiN mullooN ko subb
Pechay say kyon unn kay ghar jaa rahay ho?

I know this is silly; just a bunch of badly written rhyming garbage – out of meter and out of order. But it’s fun.


Seriously, I expected better than this from you Raheel.

It was only the second sh’er which was enjoyable.

Khissiyane ho kya keh khamba nochte ho?
Sar khujatey ho kyun, tum kia sochte ho?

Fikr-e-sukhan main abhi darak aur chahiye,
Baghair matlab ke tum qafiya dabochte ho?

Kaha tumhara hee hai ya anwar masood ka,
Kis haq se akhir dosron ka kalam “poach-tey” ho?

Maza to jub hai, keh do harf jor bhi lao tum,
Aur mizah kee hudood ko bhi pohonchte ho.

Hah! That felt good.


LOL! Acha Sahab Aissa hee sahi:

“Muzzir hey teisha-e-khoonein liye huay koi shakhss
Kay goor-kan ko bhee ubb koh-kan kaha jaye”


“Gorkan bhi gar kohkan kehlai to kia bura hai
Jo baharkaif chooha nikal lai to kia bura hai.”

And that was that. We stopped after this for fear I might be hauled away by the Halqa-e-arbab-e-zauq for public flogging or some such punishment.

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