Knicq

Rant.
knicq posted in Knicqisms, Yawariyat on December 27th, 2006

I had updated yesterday. Fortunately for me, I had the good sense to delete that post. It has been like that for some time. I refrain from putting up a post here not because I have not the matter to make into posts, but because I am afraid of what I might end up bringing out. Afraid for myself most of all, and afraid for others who matter. Everyone matters, one way or the other, doesn’t he/she? That, perhaps, is the tragedy we call life.

It is a good thing I do not have work to go to these days. To have to balance such darkness with the dreary challenges of a mundane job might just have proven too much even for the-larger-than-life-me that the resident narcissist sometimes has me believe actually exists. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allah is the greatest, and I am nothing. Pride is the dominion of Allah alone. Too often we forget that, and sometimes it leads us into humbling expriences.

Wifey is often amused by the-smaller-than-life (STL) me. I am not. The STL me is affected too easily by my experiences. The STL me is reduced to tears too often for it to be good for my image. Felicity was once witness to the STL me. Years later, VGA was pleasantly surprised when she caught a glimpse of him, when we were listening to eP’s “Aghosh” and I was telling her what the video was about. She was pleasantly suprised, because she shares Jalali Baba’s deep contempt for yours truly, and discovering the STL me not only augmented and nurtured it, but also provided a portal to spread that contempt. I had some dough on VGA, and I would knead it well in all public gatherings. One day, she decided to return the favor and relished every bit of relating to a packed house how I carried with me an STL me. Not pleasant. Not nice. Very JBiic. Very VGAiic.

Asad Ali Khan has an album called Maestro’s choice. It has two tracks. Raag Asavari and Raag Malkauns. They are spell-binding; Asavari is the perfect recipe to bring out the STL me. Anytime of the day, anyday. I do not know what Asavari means, but it must mean something close to suicidal. It is that beautiful. Here’s a little Yawariyat, if you have the stomach.

Har baat hasb-e-mansha bhi nahin hoti,

Shikayat tark-e-wafa bhi nahin hoti,

Jisey hona ho, ho ke rehta hai,

Rukawat khud rasta bhi nahin hoti.

Hum nafas tu mehwar nahin duniya ka,

Bin terey dhung hai wohi duniya ka,

Tu hi apni rawish badal le to acha hai,

Tira qadam, qadam nahin duniya ka.

Rahbarun se gila rakhna bhi acha hai,

Dil kee baat barmala likhna bhi acha hai,

Ihtijaj, Juloos, ToR phoR, HaRtaal,

Yeh sub bura hai, bhala hai, apni jagah,

Ghar kee baat magar chupaa rakhna bhi acha hai.