Ad. Woes!
knicq posted in Knicqisms on January 25th, 2006
Okay, here’s a trick question, a couple of them actually:
1. What kind of a buffoon are you, if you take 20 days off from work in the UAE, not to go to a vacation in Turkey, or to go to Pakistan to meet family, or to catch up on all the reading you have been missing out on, but to watch the latest round of India Pakistan test matches?.
2. What kind of a buffoon are you, if you do above despite the fact that you still do not know the difference between gully, silly mid-off, silly midpoint, and the rest including silly and non silly points?
Surprisingly, the answer to both the questions is the same: A silly kind.
Come Sunday, I must get up before the sun once again, drive through maddening traffic once again, and sit through an entirely boring meeting once again. The worst part is, the third and final test between Pakistan and India is scheduled to begin on Sunday, and since this one is being played in Karachi, it is widely expected that the wicket will be bowler friendly, or at least less batsman favoring, and for once there will actually be a contest rather than run fests and batting carnages. Shoaib Akhtar has been bowling brilliantly so far, and has been a treat to watch, even if his figures do not show it; and the first time around the odds will not be so heavily stacked against him, I will be sitting in a boring meeting. Irony becomes me.
While on the subject of Cricket, I do not know about the others, but despite the fact that my vacation seems to have gone waste in drawn matches, my supreme moments of frsutration, irritation and chagrin did not come while the batsmen from either side flayed the bowling attacks, and ensured a no-result in the process. Of course, I was disgusted by the pitches prepared by the home side, but my disgust at this cricketing sin pales in comparison to that which is aroused by one of the worst ever advertisements I have seen. When the same ad. runs after every over, and since there are a minimum of 80-90 overs bowled during a good day’s play, I am subjected to it close to 500 times during one test match.
The makers of these advertisements have more than a daunting task facing them. You see, it takes either a really great product, or a really great ad to ensure that the audience subjected to that ad that many times during that many days does not decide to completely boycott the product so advertised. Even a great ad. squeezed between overs 49 and 50 in a nail biter walks a very thin line, sometimes the last ball of the 49th or the first ball of the 50th is sacrificed and can ensure a longterm hatred for the product in the audience. I shifted my loyalties from one cola to another way back in 1996 for the same reason.
Given the above scenario, it is binding on the advertiser to ensure, for the betterment of his product, that the ad. required to be aired 500 times in 5 days, should be catchy, intelligent, visually pleasing, and aesthetically sound. The company making such ads ought to realize that a lot more than just their client’s product’s life cycle rides on these ads, their own reputation goes on stake. The cricketers should realize that bad ads take something away from their brilliant efforts in the field, because those ads form part of the package they serve to their audiences. Last, but not the least, the channels airing those ads should understand that such bad ads might make a quick buck for them, but in the long-run they trash their reputation as quality channels forever. Unfortunately, none of the these parties seems to have realized the commercial peril that this one ad makes them susceptible to.
Have you guessed already what ad i am talking about? Well, of course, Nabeel’s Jannat-al-Firdaus, now in the shape of a perfume. For those of you, who have not had the misfortune to see this ad even once, and allow me to admit here - I envy the lot of you, let me tell you the ’salient features’ of this ad:
This is supposed to be a rip off of Moghal-e-Azam, that ‘epic’, that ‘classic’, and that ‘golden oldie’.
AAAAAARGGGH! When will they ever learn that there is too much bollywood around the telly audience already, and the last thing they will enjoy is a bollywood rip-off! There are those 2 gazzillion ads with the Gabbar Singhish ‘Kitne aadmi the..” routine, and another 2 gazzillion ads tailored around ‘Mona darling….very smart’ routine. I do understand that the first time around someone had decided to make an ad drawing on a ‘classic’ film, it must have come out looking quite smart. It must still have looked smart when another 43 people had done it. But topractically redefine an advertisement as a bollywood rip-off is not only insane, stupid, and totally non-creative, it is also an insult to the advertising industry.
But here comes the worst part, Moghal-e-Azam was an Urdu epic, and it became a classic as much for its dialogues and language as for its music, production and other performances. The makers of this ad seem to have overlooked this aspect. There are less than half a dozen sentences in this ad, and about as many errors in language, and to top it all “Mr. Zill-e-Subhani” gets his pronounciation of “khoob” wrong, as most hindi speaking people are wont to do. Personally, the language errors are the biggest turn-off, what is more disgusting than seeing the characters of a king and a prince getting basic Urdu wrong. But, it does not just stop there, as the prince delivers his lines, Akbar badshah sways to and fro on his feet like a pepndulum, and seems to be wondering why the Royal Boot Polisher had not polished his shoes that morning. The colors are way too pale, and the dresses look as cheap as they must have been. Shahzada Saleem holds the product being advertised, a bottle of perfume, so gingerly that one suspects he is allergic to the smell of that perfume, and is trying to maintain as much distance from it as possible.
Evidently, I hate that ad, and I hate it more each time it is aired. Cricket is a wonderful game, and its a pity there are people in the world who do not like it. One wonders, how will they ever atone for this crippling flaw in their personalities? There are others, whose interest in the game of cricket is limited to one-dayers. These people offer a variety of lame excuses in their defence, but the fact of the matter is that if life has become too fast to accomodate a test match, it is time it were slowed down, and if it were a result the game were played for, perhaps they should reduce the contest to 22 balls, one to be faced by each batsman. It is a contest of skill, and more often than not it takes five days for a drawn out contest to be brought to its logical conclusion, which by all means could a draw too. Winning is important, as is not losing, but playing the game is everything. This is my position on Test Cricket, I look forward to Test Cricket, which is why I do not move away from the telly, when I do not have to go to work, or to save the world. Since I had taken leave from the former, and have yet to begin with the latter, I was glued to the screen, and have thus seen my hatred grow at a rate Afridis and Dhonis might have found difficult to maintain in their scoring.
My vacation has been ruined not by boring, batting, test matches, but by disgusting sponsors…or sponsors with disgusting products…or at least products with disgusting ads…or at least….sigh!
January 25th, 2006 at 10:13 am
wow, two “proper”* updates in two days, must be our special week!
Have not seen the ad you are referring to, nor have I seen Mughl-e-Azam, which I presume is a Hindi or a Hindustani filum. However, I will still fearlessly go forth and comment on both - or as Yousafi may (or may not) say, the best critical comments are made when one has very little actual knowledge of what one is attempting to talk about.
So here goes, don’t say I didn’t warn you before jumping in with both feet… (the warning should come in handy if I fall flat on my face and need you to give me a helping hand)
what is more disgusting than seeing the characters of a king and a prince getting basic Urdu wrong.
umm…you do know that the Mughal kings did not speak “Urdu”, or not as we know it anyway? Koi wajah hi thi jo babajee ne apni mae noshi ki dastan, Tazuk-e-Babri, Farsee mae likhi thi. Ab Indian advertisers farsee main to ad bananay say rahay - in baicharoun ko toothi poothi, an parhoun wali Urdu hi aa jae, yahi bahut hay….
Anyway, yes I agree, ads during cricket is a lame concept, and one which I join you in delporing, condemning and castigating. However, there is an easy and quick remedy, and its called the remote control; failing that, how about conversation with whoever you are watching the game with (unless you are a true masochist like me and prefer to suffer on your own).
Back home, we never had ads on TV, or at least, nothing compared to what you describe - the BBC, being state-funded, does not interrupt anything as important as Test Cricket with anything as vulgar as advertisements, whilst Channel 4 and Sky only show ads in the natural breaks during play (drinks, injuries, innings intervals, etc) so thankfully we did not have this once a over nonsensical carnage we see on “TEN Sports” (more like “Nine Parts Ads and One Part Sport”). This ad carnage is worse than the batting carnage of Afridi and Horsey Dhoni, and much more destructive to the morale of cricket watchers everywhere.
I also completely agree with, and support, your comments about Test cricket, and the deficiencies in the emotional and intellectual faculties of those who cannot, or do not, appreciate its intricacies and beauties. The fact remains that Test Cricket is like no other sport - this is the only sport that is a metapor for life; that in life, as in cricket, after a lot of exertion, effort and toil, we often end up right where we started from; that in life, as in cricket, often there is no obvious winner or loser, merely a stalemate; that in life, as in cricket, its seldom the winning that matters anyway, it is the taking part, the fun had whilst participating and living that truly counts and should be cherished; and that in life, as in cricket, things are seldom outlined in stark colours of black and white, (or victory and defeat) and more commonly are dull shades of gray (or draws)….
* Not implying that there was even a hint of impropriety in any of the other ones, of course!
January 25th, 2006 at 12:11 pm
Salamz bro.,
Thanks for the comments, which frankly are better written and more entertaining than the updates, implying ofcourse that the posts are well written as well as entertaining…some of JB’s narcissism does seem to have rub off on me,
Having said that, I am aware that Farsi was the language of the Moghal Court, and Urdu was adopted only towards the end of the Moghal era; however, Moghal-e-Azam as well as other works of arts centered on the Moghal dynasty, or any Muslim dynasty for that matter, have depended on Urdu for that regal effect that completes the telling the story of Royal proportions. Such is the beauty, and such is the regality of Urdu; which is why I made that statement about “a king and a prince” rather than a Moghal K&P.
Similarly, the original was made in Urdu, and hence the complaint that the rip-off could have done a better job by getting the language right. I have not seen the movie myself, not all of it anyway, just a few scenes here and there, but I envy you bro., you have not seen this ad yet!
I have always known that if I ever move out of the UAE it would be back to Pakistan, or to another GCC country. I was never keen on moving into a country in the west, but this bit of information that you have provided, no ads during matches, has put a whole new spion on proceedings. They really do not have ads between overs? Is there such a utopian world?
Oh, and I put up those posts just so we could get to see some more of your comments…they are such fun to read, and so good for my ego too.
January 25th, 2006 at 12:49 pm
Salaams,
Woah, looong post, will read later. seems like long comments as well.
January 25th, 2006 at 3:16 pm
Knicq:
مگل آجم گلت ھندی بولے؟
Bhai roona ad ka nahi hay. Dont forget the commentary ofn FM-101.4 (Shareer-Bhasha). I have had the honor of listining to that courtesy of you and till today, the nightmare continues… the horror!! the horror.
A lot of Ad agencies got inspired by “who moved my cheese?” in the wrong way… hence this cheesyness! Wit till your next trip to PK and witnessing the hordings. They got biscuits called “Love Letter” and the ad is “App ko bhe millay ga - Love Letter”. Nice way to catch attention of the targeted market (4-10 yr old Kids)
PS: I think you got the answere of both the questions wrong. The correct answer is KNICQ. Those are the easiest questions in the world. Notice the word Buffoon? direct implication: Knicq
January 25th, 2006 at 6:40 pm
wow, this happens to me too - a particular ad will REALLY, really bother me, for reasons similar to why you hate that one - cheapness, tackiness, irritating music.. all kinds of factors contribute to the annoying-factor of the ad.
i do have to say though, that i don’t think i’ve ever actually blogged about an ad i hate..
January 25th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Tariq: Aren’t these the comments you left here the last time aorund too? By the way bro., we really to get those introductions going…:)
JB: Let me begin with a correction. That radio station was 104.4, and the only reason I had got you to tune into it was the fallacious assumption that you would find it entertaining…how on earth was I to know he had ’shareer-bhashaic” complexes. You do remember his comments about the ’safed-faam’ team, don’t you?
I also think those companies have identified their market better than you give them credit for…I do not think you have had the misfortune of seeing “Vil u friendship me” kind of messages left by 33 year old men on practically every profile that seems to be owned by the female species of homo sapiens….
As for the answer to those questions, now you know why I called them trick questions…the first answer that comes to your mind is not the right one…:P
Anjum: How about we start tagging people to write about their least favorite ads? Those ad makers ought to know someone is noticing the crap they churn out if the owners of those advertised products are not…
January 27th, 2006 at 9:02 am
Ok this one was great. Seriuosly, you should have it published. And I think I’ll make it compulsory read for my students. Howzatt?
January 27th, 2006 at 9:05 am
and btw, when I was cricket crazy I studiously learned all fielding points, silly and non-silly, differences of various bowling and batting techniques and what not. I have now proudly forgotten all of it.
Howzatt too, bhaisaab?
and did you read that massacre of Yousufi in English? It was AAAAAAAAARGHHH!
January 27th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Aziza, I could not agree more with you on the greatness of this and the rest of my posts, but I am not too sure about the arbab-e-ikhtiyar of publishing having the discerning acumen necessary to appreciate such gems, and I hate to give them the satisfaction of turning master-peices down. Quite like JB, their self worth is a function of how many great people they can put down….
You can, however, make my blog a compulsary read for your students…provided of course it does not put your own reputation, and more seriously your job, at peril.
I did read that englishified Yousufi, and while the motive behind such a daring task is admirable, what is absolutely impressive is the writer’s confidence in his mastery over English…which I have always maintained is a pre-requisite for one aspiring to translate Yousufi’s language.
You must however realize that even a watered down Yousufi puts many a humorist to shame…at least so a Yousufi fan(atic) will have you believe.
January 27th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Oh, and just to do away with the possibility of confusion in the above paragrpah…here is restating it…
“I did read that englishified Yousufi, and while the motive behind such a daring task is admirable, what is absolutely impressive is the writer’s confidence in his mastery over English…which I have always maintained is a pre-requisite for one aspiring to translate Yousufi’s language - the mastery over English that is, not the confidence. though a little bit of confidence never did anyone any harm…”
January 27th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
motive shotive be go to hell and take that offending typewriter with it.
Admirable would have been a publication of the essay in orginal.
Jo jaahil pakistani ho ker urdu ya koi bhi ilaqaee zaban nahin jaante, unko sutlej main doob ker machlian maar deni chahiyen. sutlej main pani or machlian ki mojooda surate haal per baad main baat ki ja sakti hai.
January 27th, 2006 at 11:19 pm
Now, now, me dearest li’l sis. there’s a lot in your comments that I plan on tackling in my next update nonetheless…but to put it all in a nut shell, Pakistani ho kar jisey apni aik bhi zubaan nan aati ho us ke liyey maqam-e-sharm hai, aur us par lazim ke fauran se peshtar in khoobsoorat zubanun main se kisi aik main kamal paida karey…basoorat deegar, ahalian-e-farang se apni jahalat ke iwaz aik adad passport chahe, aur iske milne se qabl hamari ‘hari kaapi’ humen wapis karey…ap mas’ala yeh hai, keh zubaan ka aana ya na aana aik cheez hai, aur nan aatey huwey is se mohabbat aur lagao, ya phir aatey huwe bhi is kee qadar nan karna do mukhtalif pehloo hain…awwal-uzzikr zuban se nawaqfiyyat ke bawajood qabil-e-sataish hai, aur sani-uzzikr insaniyat kee aazmaish hai.
Urdu se napaid Urdu ke chahne walon ke liyey Yousufi ka tarjuma baham pohonchana itna bura bhi nahin…
Sutlej ke paani main dboney ke liyey un Pakistaniyun kee qillat nahin jinhun ne Pakistan ke hijjon main se alif nikaal kar “ye” ka izaafa kiya hai….Pakistan main rehtey huwe…!
January 28th, 2006 at 1:34 pm
Lol, Bhai, it is good to see that your blog is up and running as it should be.
And when Owlie and I first began watching cricket, all we learned was that Muralitharan made great faces and Jayasuriya looks like Sammy Sosa, an Amreeki baseball player. :p
January 28th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
Ok, the above comment is actually mine, sorry Bhai. Looks like the login on this PC was still valid from when HF was doing maintanence on your blog, hehe.
January 28th, 2006 at 1:47 pm
Little Baji,
Fortunately for you, I have the option to fiddle with the commentator’s ID too…which I utilized to corect the error…it now makes the clarification from your side more intriguing…:)
January 28th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
lol@ indian ads.reading ur post reminded me of one add based on “chehra hai ya chand khila hai, zulf,zulf-dats where the woman tugs the comb in her hair-like d song tape stuck there or d cd skipping(yes, a hair oil ad)…jo bhi advert ho, they show it so many times that even if it was a gud 1 & u liked it, u’d start to hate it soon enough…
& vot abt all those bolly song based adverts on d radio?”sale yahaan hai, tu kahaan hai, main aayi aayi aayi aayi aajaa….”!lol!
January 28th, 2006 at 7:56 pm
Knicq bhai, Masha Allah ap kay fan club ki ronuq dekh ker dilli itmenan mila, Allah aap kay shaiqeen aur madahoun ki ta’adad main mazeed barkat dalay, Ameen.
Abb agar nagwar na guzray, toh aik ikhtalafee amar par aap kay khyalat janna chahoun ga - maqsad is mubahsay ko thora develop kerna hay, aap ki shaan main gustakhee har giz nahi
I know you do not make an Urdu-centric point, since you do say that familiarity with any of the other Pakistani regional languages is equally valid and acceptable. Hence, a lot of my disjointed ramblings below may not be issues you can directly relate to or identify with - apologies for that!
Okay so my question: Is it really that important for a Pakistani to be au fait with Urdu? What if someone is like me, i.e. somewhat badzouq and not exactly Allah’s gift to Urdu adab aur shaistagee? Why is this such an important part of being a Pakistani - surely, what is far more important, is to be loyal to, and be a passionate believer in, the ideology of Pakistan? And that ideology surely is not dependent upon this language? Surely it is no mere aberration that the Founder of this country could barely speak any Urdu? Surely it is not a trivial fact that at Partition, the majority of the people of this land could not speak or understand a word of Urdu, and were wonderful Muslims and Pakistanis nonetheless - in fact, it was when the ideology of Pakistan was subverted by self-seeking politicians and generals, and when the true meaning of this land was forgotten, nay denied, that we actually lost that non-Urdu speaking majority. So the crucial fact is perhaps not language, but ideology - don’t you feel that the latter should drive the society and one’s world view, and not be shaped by events?
So one could argue that the preference for language (not language per se) is merely a part of the wider overarching culture of the society, and all rational choices at the societal level which shape its culture should be derived from the ideology of that society. If so, language ceases to be a be-all and end-all of ethnic identification, and becomes a by-product of one’s world-view.
As such, if the ideology of Pakistan is to be a homeland for Muslims, to provide a place where Islam can be established and practiced in its entirety, then surely it is not out of the realms of reasonableness to suggest that the language of Pakistan should be the one that is most likely to achieve that aim - and then there is only a short deductive leap from that point to believing that this language is Arabic, not Urdu, Pushto, Punjabi, English, Balochi, Brahui, Sindhi, Farsee or Seraiki. Without going into the practical obstacles or the logistical nightmares, can one suggest, merely as a workable hypothesis, that such a move would have had a wonderfully positive impact on our society the past 50 years? Ignorance remains the scourge of our nation, and surely there is no better antidote for that than Qur’an and thus the language of the Qur’an? Would shirk be as rampant today? Would heresies be so widely practiced, even encouraged and celebrated? Perhaps, but is is worth a thought, no, at least in our ivory tower?
I do not mean to denigrate the efforts of luminaries such as Molvi Abdul Haq or others who may be more worthy, who did so much to popularise Urdu, but was there another way, perhaps another option that would have served, and strenghtened the ideology of Pakistan, stemmed the linguistic resentments of the majority province and fostered a true bond of unity and fraternity? After all, if Mustafa Kemal could forcefully and coerively change the language and the script of the Turks in a generation or so, and thus ask the Turks to sever all ties with their wonderful history and their Muslim heritage, why could we not have made a move in the opposite direction, and reaffirm our Muslim heritage, a move that would have needed little coercion, merely encouragement and organisation?
I defer to no one in my admiration and affection for Urdu; to read it, write it and converse in it is a joy for all whom Allah has blessed with it, but that does not mean one cannot explore alternative scenarios, does it? Or is it too unpatriotic?
PS: apologies for the long-winded rant above - feel free to not publish these comments, given how disjointed and illogical they may appear (I wouldn’t know since I refuse to read these ramblings).
I knew (I hope!) what I was trying to say, but didn’t manage to say it, did I?
January 29th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
On a different note….
AA Gill in The Sunday Times… does it sound like a place some of us may know of?
“A collection of oil wells with a hankering to look like Singapore on the Gulf, whose highest aspiration is to be a holiday resort for footballers, drunk expats and Hello! shoots”
January 30th, 2006 at 8:21 am
Salamz Maranello,
Some excellent points made, points JB had made some time ago…my thoughts on same in a bit.
Thank you for your contribution. With your permission, your comments make my next post.
Regards
February 3rd, 2006 at 9:56 pm
You know what, I remember the days when there used to be a blog here….
aah well…!
Abb pachtay kya hawat…
PS: How long is “a bit” in Sharjah these days? (as in: “my thoughts on same in a bit“)
February 3rd, 2006 at 11:22 pm
…tell you what, uncanny as it might seem, even I remember those days…:)
Trust me the lack of update is not out of lack of intent…but the shock of getting back to work after a luxury of 20 days away, a skewed monitor, an exciting match, and the frustration arising out of the exciting match beginning on the same day as the consternation of going back to work did, and watching of the highlights of said exciting match till late in the night or very early in the morning, when combined make quite a potent deterring force…
Recuperating today…intended post tomorrow…:)
February 4th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
yellow. blue?
whazzup?
how’s it going?
im bored
so im just visiting random sites and leaving strange comments.
im from zorton.
how YOU doin?
February 13th, 2006 at 11:03 am
oh man those adds and the add of the same brand during England/Pakistan series grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, complete torture I tell u.
and Yea I totally agree Test matches are Test matches :D.
February 17th, 2006 at 7:15 am
Salam Bhai
You visited my blog. Thanks for your comments there. You see what a sust and bey-Khaber person I’m…
February 17th, 2006 at 7:19 am
Please receive my reply there asap, The HaloScan is just a talented sharp eater in eating the comments I can tell you.
February 22nd, 2006 at 8:29 am
like hello? a month? bhai? where are you?
February 22nd, 2006 at 9:24 pm
okay, knicq bhai, it’s time to update. anything?
February 27th, 2006 at 8:52 am
Saadie: After the recently concluded one day series, I also believe we should stick to Test Cricket, and levae the one day game for our valiant under-19 World Champions. Or for the hockey team for that matter…:)
Sh_guf: Daer ayey, durust ayey. And as far as susti goes, beat me… to jaanen.
Hemmie: I was juss tryin out being Saadat…:)
Anjum: Do these responses count towards anything?
March 1st, 2006 at 10:24 pm
:p
try being yourself.
March 5th, 2006 at 9:50 am
walikum salam bhai,
jeetay rahiay - main to sumjhee aap bhool bhula chukay hon gay lekin aaj spiral of silence per comment perh kay mujhay yaad aaya kay kabhi “wo” bhi aik blog thee.
Thanks for linking -snapshots-, because this blog will have the honor of being updated (how frequesnt it happens, thats another issue)- I’ think photos are easier to post and better than saying thousand words,also writing is certainly not my forte.
and bhai this post was so much like psychology book, gol gol hi ghomay ja rahi thee
see ya around
March 13th, 2006 at 1:46 am
[...] This monologue has tread perilously close to a discussion, which AWK and Maranello had initiated in the comments section of Ad. woes, and much as I wish to dive into that discussion with my take on it, I must terminate this post here, and leave in the process a topic to come back to… [...]
April 26th, 2006 at 1:30 am
[...] I happened upon a couple of lovely blogs written by a teenaged Muslim who writes with more wisdom than most people of not only her own age but much older than her. You will see her blogs linked to your right. In her post entitled Al-Lughah Al-Arabiyah, she has hit upon a discussion that was once initiated in knicqland by brother Maranello - a discussion that had wondered what might our nation have been like, had Arabic been made the official language of Pakistan. Below is a comment gone lengthy on that post, which I shamelessly put up here as an update, partly because it is pertinent to the discssuion left incomplete here in the past (in that it was left without my exalted inputs), and partly because this place could do with an update. [...]